Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, “What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.”
With the arrival of a new decade, this wise German playwright's words remind us that it's important to have solid, achievable goals - and to get started on them right away. Then again, I also read (by this I mean, I "read") Faust in college and recall thinking, "Wow, Goethe is on some serious crack."
Aside from this profound literary analysis, his quote makes me think a lot about my own personal goals (ex: stop wearing those sweatpants with the obvious holes...in public...weekly). So, without further ado, I present my faithful blog followers (Hi, Mom) with my list of 2011 resolutions:
1.) Write more:
Just as I'm sure "all" of you enjoy reading my blog o' nonsense (Ma, you still there?) I really love to write. Whether it's a blog post, a love letter to my boyfriend Fabio (yes, the Italian supermodel with the Christy Brinkley hair), or the first page of the next great American novel (sorry, Steinbeck) - writing is my favorite way to go on a mental vacation from my real life. For this year, I'd like to keep the writing going - and to make Goethe happy, I'll make it concrete: I will blog once a week*.
*Restrictions apply: This goal is likely too lofty. See, right now, it's cold out and there's nothing better to do - there's no Monday Night Football anymore, Netflix hasn't sent anything worth watching, and I'm too comfy under three blankets to get up and go to the gym. Also, I'm all swept up in this early January season of self-improvement which may pass by January 10. The blog posts may return to a sporadic sprinkling by Valentines' Day. Or Martin Luther King Jr Day.
2.) Floss. Well, keep flossing:
This is more of a continuation of a current good habit that has become routine. I'm not trying to ride the moral high horse here. I floss daily (sometimes twice daily) because my fillings from the past three years have provided my dentist with a couple of Mercedes, diamond cufflinks, a twelve-bedroom vacation villa in southern Spain and an upgraded, better looking trophy wife. And, if I don't continue to neurotically floss, I will literally run out of teeth to develop cavities. Plus, I know that smug bastard is thinking he can buy his own private island if I get 5 more cavities, and I won't give him the satisfaction.
3.) Cut the road rage:
Sure, it depends who you ask. But I can say with reasonable confidence that if you ask around, most people would say I'm a nice girl. I have a strict WWFHD policy (What would Florence Henderson do?). This typically steers me toward buying polyester pantsuits and baking cookies. But, although I never intend for it to happen, my work commute brings me from WWFHD to WWF in about 2.5 seconds. There's just something about a 93 year old lady in the passing lane, doing 47 mph, during rush hour, with her left blinker on that completely sends me into a road rage spiral. To make matters worse, I am a genetic perfect storm when it comes to road rage - I've got an Irish temper and a not-so-shy Portuguese mouth. Before I know it, I've amassed enough money in my imaginary swear jar to buy Boardwalk and Park Place (with hotels) and I've pulled a muscle in my middle finger. But this year, I vow that Florence will win. I will toss homemade cookies out of the windows of my Focus at those who cut me off (to later drive 10 under the speed limit). I will blow kisses and wave like the Queen at those that don't use their blinkers or mirrors. All while rocking a Carol Brady lady-mullet.
4.) Get better at dating.
I suck at dating. You might think you understand what I'm saying, or even think you can sympathize with me. But you can't, unless you are my fictional counterpart, Liz Lemon. For those who do not watch 30 Rock, shame on you. Many times, when I'm watching the show, I get a creepy feeling that Tina Fey is following me around, watching me embarrass my way through adulthood and then writing it into the show. An example:
Liz Lemon and her friend Jenna are out at a bar.
Dude: "Excuse me, is this seat taken?"
Liz: "Really, dude? There are like, 4 other seats down there - can't you be cool?"
Jenna: "Liz, that guy wanted to buy you a drink."
Liz: "Really? I already have a drink. You think he'll buy me mozzarella sticks?"
Oh, Liz - how could you have known that this was a pick up line? I too am continually thrown by the often-confusing musings of dudes and my constant need for a snack. But not this year. This year I plan to miraculously transform my accident-prone awkwardness into super smooth sex appeal that will have all the eligible bachelors in the 401 weak at the knees. That's right - look out, Rhody. Cause I'm coming - and I'm wearing a Florence Henderson pantsuit that's snug in all the right places.
With the arrival of a new decade, this wise German playwright's words remind us that it's important to have solid, achievable goals - and to get started on them right away. Then again, I also read (by this I mean, I "read") Faust in college and recall thinking, "Wow, Goethe is on some serious crack."
Aside from this profound literary analysis, his quote makes me think a lot about my own personal goals (ex: stop wearing those sweatpants with the obvious holes...in public...weekly). So, without further ado, I present my faithful blog followers (Hi, Mom) with my list of 2011 resolutions:
1.) Write more:
Just as I'm sure "all" of you enjoy reading my blog o' nonsense (Ma, you still there?) I really love to write. Whether it's a blog post, a love letter to my boyfriend Fabio (yes, the Italian supermodel with the Christy Brinkley hair), or the first page of the next great American novel (sorry, Steinbeck) - writing is my favorite way to go on a mental vacation from my real life. For this year, I'd like to keep the writing going - and to make Goethe happy, I'll make it concrete: I will blog once a week*.
*Restrictions apply: This goal is likely too lofty. See, right now, it's cold out and there's nothing better to do - there's no Monday Night Football anymore, Netflix hasn't sent anything worth watching, and I'm too comfy under three blankets to get up and go to the gym. Also, I'm all swept up in this early January season of self-improvement which may pass by January 10. The blog posts may return to a sporadic sprinkling by Valentines' Day. Or Martin Luther King Jr Day.
2.) Floss. Well, keep flossing:
This is more of a continuation of a current good habit that has become routine. I'm not trying to ride the moral high horse here. I floss daily (sometimes twice daily) because my fillings from the past three years have provided my dentist with a couple of Mercedes, diamond cufflinks, a twelve-bedroom vacation villa in southern Spain and an upgraded, better looking trophy wife. And, if I don't continue to neurotically floss, I will literally run out of teeth to develop cavities. Plus, I know that smug bastard is thinking he can buy his own private island if I get 5 more cavities, and I won't give him the satisfaction.
3.) Cut the road rage:
Sure, it depends who you ask. But I can say with reasonable confidence that if you ask around, most people would say I'm a nice girl. I have a strict WWFHD policy (What would Florence Henderson do?). This typically steers me toward buying polyester pantsuits and baking cookies. But, although I never intend for it to happen, my work commute brings me from WWFHD to WWF in about 2.5 seconds. There's just something about a 93 year old lady in the passing lane, doing 47 mph, during rush hour, with her left blinker on that completely sends me into a road rage spiral. To make matters worse, I am a genetic perfect storm when it comes to road rage - I've got an Irish temper and a not-so-shy Portuguese mouth. Before I know it, I've amassed enough money in my imaginary swear jar to buy Boardwalk and Park Place (with hotels) and I've pulled a muscle in my middle finger. But this year, I vow that Florence will win. I will toss homemade cookies out of the windows of my Focus at those who cut me off (to later drive 10 under the speed limit). I will blow kisses and wave like the Queen at those that don't use their blinkers or mirrors. All while rocking a Carol Brady lady-mullet.
4.) Get better at dating.
I suck at dating. You might think you understand what I'm saying, or even think you can sympathize with me. But you can't, unless you are my fictional counterpart, Liz Lemon. For those who do not watch 30 Rock, shame on you. Many times, when I'm watching the show, I get a creepy feeling that Tina Fey is following me around, watching me embarrass my way through adulthood and then writing it into the show. An example:
Liz Lemon and her friend Jenna are out at a bar.
Dude: "Excuse me, is this seat taken?"
Liz: "Really, dude? There are like, 4 other seats down there - can't you be cool?"
Jenna: "Liz, that guy wanted to buy you a drink."
Liz: "Really? I already have a drink. You think he'll buy me mozzarella sticks?"
Oh, Liz - how could you have known that this was a pick up line? I too am continually thrown by the often-confusing musings of dudes and my constant need for a snack. But not this year. This year I plan to miraculously transform my accident-prone awkwardness into super smooth sex appeal that will have all the eligible bachelors in the 401 weak at the knees. That's right - look out, Rhody. Cause I'm coming - and I'm wearing a Florence Henderson pantsuit that's snug in all the right places.
4 comments:
Laur, you continue to amaze me and make me laugh out loud ( with a little wheezing goin on from laughing so much). Keep on writing, kiddo, because you are meant to do it. Love ya, your #1 fan, Mom
amazing. -supto
Oh Lauren, I am SO PROUD to be a follower! I too am a blogger, and am so looking forward to seeing your posts pop up on my dashboard! That should be motivation for you to keep writing, other bloggers are watching! Keep it up, it is incredible!
They way you write makes it very non-boring. Great post!
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