Puzzling questions that have plagued my mind...or just stuff I find a little weird...
1.) Bubble tea from Lollicup: It looks like Mylanta with marbles in it. I don’t understand the appeal of sipping an ambiguously colored creamy beverage, then BAM! catching a black pebble the size of a chickpea right in the back of your throat. Also puzzling is the straw which is roughly the size of a garden hose…I guess you don’t want to skip a minute of your creamy treat.
2.) Rockettes in Boston? What’s going on with people walking on sidewalks lately? I feel like I’ve been constantly avoiding getting caught in the middle of a troupe of 9 girls walking next to one another. Ladies: kick lines are great in Radio City Music Hall; on Comm Ave, it’s like I’m playing Red Rover.
3.) Keane: Love the band, just not sure why I fall asleep whenever I hear them. It’s like a musical narcotic: two minutes and I’m out. I’m just afraid of hearing them in a store-- I’ll drop to the floor and start snoozing.
4.) Sailboats: I’m just not sure why sailing is such a popular sport. I mean, there isn’t much more of a primitive way to travel on water, short of nailing a bunch of logs together. There are easier ways to go down the Charles that don’t involve goofing around with a triangular bed sheet: namely, a speedboat, a row boat…or a paddle boat.
5.) If there is a bee at a barbeque, a mosquito on a summer night, or an unidentifiable creepy-crawler in the shower, it’s always going to find ME. I’m that wacko at picnics swatting around because while there are a dozen people around, I’m the one that the little buzzing bastard is after. I seem unusually talented in attracting insects…ah yes, as well as uniquely embarrassing situations and mentally unstable individuals on the street…I’m a fun gal.
Speaking of embarrassing situations and bugs...
A few Saturdays ago, I was hosting my little sis for a weekend of fun. We get back to the room late and she wants to take a shower. So, I open the shower curtain to show her how to turn on the water. There on the bottom of the tub is the most gigantic, multi-legged monstrosity I have ever seen. And nobody is home except me and Carolyn...who is spazzing as much as I am. I grab my winter boot and run into the bathroom, attempting to beat the little thing, but I chicken out, irrationally reasoning that it can think fast enough to climb up my arm and into my shirt. I'm flipping out, running around with one boot in a panic. I decide to open the door and see who's around on my floor. Outside my door is an innocent bystander, knocking for the guys across the hall.
Me: "Hi! Umm...I know I don't know you....uh...my name is Lauren." (extends hand)
Innocent bystander, shaking my hand: "Hey, I'm Danny."
Me: "Oh, hi Danny...got a favor to ask."
Danny: "Uh..."
Me: "If I give you this winter boot, can you beat the living shit out of a bug in my bathtub?"
At this point, my neighbor Cho comes out of his room, waiting to greet his friend, who now wants to run for the hills. I re-explain the situation to Cho as Danny watches, waiting to see if Cho has any idea how to handle his psycho neighbor. The boys take the boot and head into the bathroom, and valiantly smash the little shit to bits.
Now that I've embarrassed myself to the point of no return, I continuously run into both fellows all over the building. I try to make light conversation about the bug incident, and they usually laugh....probably simultaneously speed-dialing the Twinkie Truck to pick me up on Bay State.
Alas, in one entertaining little diddy, my uncanny ability to attract bugs and embarrassment is fairly obvious. Danny or Cho, if you're reading this: Thanks a million, again...and sorry I'm such a spazz-a-roni. And also, sorry I didn't create a better damsel in distress situation...it was pretty lame to ask you to smash a bug with a snow boot in a bathtub. Next time I'll try something that involves towers and dragons.
